Discretion will preserve you; Understanding will keep you.– Proverbs 2:11
It’s very easy to speak or act without thinking, but the Bible reminds us that discretion is a key to preserving our relationships, our reputations, and even our peace. Acting and speaking with discretion means using wisdom to decide what to say, when to say it, and who to share it with. It requires humility, self-control, and thoughtfulness; qualities that help us honor God and reflect Christ in every interaction.
If you’ve ever found yourself regretting something you said in the heat of the moment or overshared in a conversation, you’re not alone; I’ve been there many many times. Thankfully, discretion is something we can learn and grow in with the help of the Holy Spirit. Here are 7 practical tips to help you act and speak with wisdom and grace:
1. Think Before You Speak
It seems so simple, yet it’s one of the hardest things to do. When emotions are high, it’s easy to speak impulsively, but taking a moment to pause can save us from saying things we’ll regret.
Few years ago, I came across a YouTube video of a gentleman who was talking about the questions he asks himself before speaking, and I remember thinking how brilliant and super helpful his tip was. He said something along the lines of: before you speak, ask yourself:
• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it necessary?
These three questions basically act as a filter for your words. Going through them in your head can help you avoid sharing everything that comes to mind and choose to respond thoughtfully instead.
2. Be Mindful of Your Audience
This is so important. Not every piece of information is meant for every person. Context matters! Consider who you’re talking to and what is appropriate to share in that setting. For example, personal struggles or sensitive details might not belong in a professional or public conversation.
I’ve been reading the gospels lately and one thing that stood out to me is how discreet Jesus was! He was always careful about what He revealed and to whom (Matthew 13:10-11). We can follow His example by discerning what to share and when to stay silent!
3. Keep Confidentiality
I have learned over the years that trust is very fragile, and one of the fastest ways to break it is by sharing something someone told you in confidence. Proverbs 11:13 says,
A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.
If someone shares something private with you, honor their trust by keeping it to yourself. Check your body language as well. If your friend shares with you that she is dating someone for example, you don’t have to make faces or gestures with your body that can leave clues for an observer to easily figure it out. I have unintentionally done this in the past and was not proud of the outcome. Please learn from my mistake!
The only exception is if the person’s safety is at risk, in which case, seeking help is necessary. Other than that, let’s remain discreet.
4. Choose Words Carefully
Words are powerful. They can build up or tear down, encourage or hurt. Proverbs 15:4 tells us,
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Be intentional with your words: Avoid gossip, sarcasm, or crude jokes, as they can damage relationships and reputations. Use words that uplift and encourage others.
By choosing words carefully, we show respect for others and reflect God’s love and wisdom in our speech.
5. Avoid Reacting Emotionally
We’ve all been there—someone says something hurtful or frustrating, and we’re tempted to lash out. But discretion calls us to stay calm, even when we’re upset. James 1:19 reminds us to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
If you feel anger or hurt rising, take a step back. Pray, process your emotions, and only respond when you’re calm. This prevents regretful words and allows you to handle the situation with grace.
As someone who feels emotions quite deeply, this is a constant reminder for me. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you and I the grace to manage our emotions in a healthy way and will help us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
6. Be Selective About What You Share
Discretion means being wise about what we share; especially in an age of oversharing on social media, in conversations, and even in public settings. Not every detail of your life needs to be public knowledge.
Share wisely, and only with people you trust. Avoid venting, complaining, or bragging, as it can harm your reputation or relationships.
7. Practice Active Listening
Discretion isn’t just about what we say; it’s also about how we listen. Proverbs 18:13 warns,
He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.
Listening allows us to fully understand before responding. In sensitive conversations, listen more than you speak. This shows care, prevents misunderstandings, and helps you choose your words with more wisdom.
Final Thoughts
Discretion is not necessarily about secrecy and being so private to the point where the glory of the Lord upon your life cannot be seen. It’s really about walking in wisdom; choosing what to say, when to say it, and who to share it with. When we act and speak with discretion, we preserve our dignity, protect our relationships, and honor God.
Let’s challenge ourselves to pause, listen, and respond with wisdom this week. Ask the Lord to help you grow in this area and use your words to build others up!
Which of these tips stood out to you most? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
PEACE & LOVE ALWAYS <3